Dr. Philomera Isadora Trismegiste

Dr. Philomera Isadora Trismegiste is a horse-person and filly-about-town often spotted in Centralia, but occasionally sighted in other locales as well. She is tall, has brown hair, large horse ears, and is generally found wearing large glasses and an oversized labcoat regardless of her current employment. Trismegiste is a self-identified mad scientist, and something of an enigma. She has been known to turn up silently, working for--and having apparently worked for many years for--various companies, research institutes, and governmental organizations. In these capacities, she usually reappropriates organizational resources for her own benefit, often exerting authority over these institutions in ways she should not logically be able to, but which always turn out to be hierarchically valid when investigated. Nonetheless, for some reason or another, she dislikes it when she's known to be in residence at a given organization, and will usually pack up shop soon after being discovered, only to relocate somewhere else, with all trace of her vanishing from the previous target organization in the process. If restrained, or if her work is directly interfered with, she will generally kick people rather than resorting to more involved forms of violence. However, since Philomera's kicks carry the proportional strength of a horse, this is generally quite effective.

In spite of this secrecy, she will openly discuss her plans if simply asked, although most who've attempted to make inquiries as to the nature of her research have left the conversations quite confused. Projects Dr. Trismegiste has claimed to be working on, and topics she has claimed to be researching, include, but are by no means limited to:

  • General mundane sciences (physics, astronomy, mathematics, biology, and subfields of all of these, etc.)
  • General mundane soft sciences (sociology, history, political science, again including subfields thereof, etc.)
  • Faster-Than-Light travel and spacecraft building
  • Teleportation
  • "The Occult" (no elaboration given)
  • "Curses" (no elaboration given, may have simply been an exclamation of frustration)
  • Immortality
  • Creating robotic duplicates of herself
  • Creating organic duplicates of herself
  • Something called "The Speed Force"
  • Creating life from candy
  • Coffee Preparation
  • Tea Ceremonies
  • Haruspicy
  • Magical Girls (one of two times Philomera has ever mentioned an assistant. Here someone called "Q.B.")
  • "Wonder Maintenance" (no elaboration given)
  • "Health Potions"
  • "Free" time travel (no elaboration given)
  • Interdimensional Travel
  • Psychic powers, including telekinesis and telepathy
  • Extraterrestrial Life (Excerpt from this incident report: "After having it pointed out to her that the Centralian royalty are aliens, she sullenly crossed her arms and claimed that they 'didn't count'.")
  • Omniscience and near-omniscience, as well as the related field of general reality alteration via thought
  • Memetics
  • Antimemetics
  • Metamemetics
  • Countermemetics
  • "[REDACTED]"
  • Negotiation with "π•Ίπ–šπ–— π–“π–Šπ–Žπ–Œπ–π–‡π–”π–—π–˜ π–Žπ–“ π–™π–π–Š π–œπ–”π–”π–‰π–˜." (No elaboration given, teleported away when clarifying questions were asked)
  • Thaumaturgy (noted to be one of the very few cases where Dr. Trismegiste actively sought out and studied under a master of the subject as opposed to her usual M.O.)
  • Curing an unnamed assistant of "the Tropic Curse," allegedly something that forced her assistant to describe everything in cliched, neologized media terminology
  • Creation and captive breeding of slime monsters
  • Genetic engineering, specifically to give accessory animal ears
  • Unsolved criminal cases
  • "Stunting" (no elaboration given)
  • "Glomping"
  • Comparative religion

In addition, Dr. Trismegiste has at various times claimed to be either directly employed by, or working as a free agent in association with, a number of organizations, including governmental offices in Centralia and abroad, commercial organizations, and groups of an unclear nature, many of which have no obvious connection to her research. A number of which are also, themselves, not known to exist outside of Philomera's claims.

  • The Royal Palace itself
  • The Queen City Metropolitan Police
  • The Royal Post of Centralia
  • The Centralia Guard Forces, specifically somehow obtaining a Pink Card Clearance-level certification at The Star under the title of "Head of Experimental Weapons Research." No such title, or division, exists.
  • CentRail
  • The Centralian Senate
  • XS-Mart
  • XS-Mart Z (the branch of the company servicing Zeoria)
  • Discordantia, apparently as a foreign agent answering directly to Prime Minister Black
  • The International Union of Artifice
  • Collage of Scholastic Theory
  • Nine Vertex Devils Club
  • The Barrett Commission
  • Network Zero
  • Nippon Chūō Keiba Kai
  • KaibaCorp
  • Silph Co.
  • Alphabet Inc.
  • The SCP Foundation
  • The Walt Disney Company

Trismegiste is considered wanted for destruction of property, abduction, and pilfering of candy stocks throughout Centralia and several neighboring countries. Despite this, she continues her activities unabated.