The Discordantia Unified Marshals Brigade, commonly known as the Discordantian secret police, is the "national security service" of Discordantia.

TsarinaMalice believes the Discordantian secret police to be an imposing, enigmatic institution feared by the people. In reality, the secret police almost exclusively engage in mild schoolyard-level bullying directed against people Malice has picked a fight with online, leading most of the public to essentially disregard them...unless they hang out on certain anime forums.